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1 Have you ever touched an octopus? Yes No Did you like it? yes No

2 Is tofu just another isotope of meat? Yes No Tofu is actually animal Grey Matter

3 Can you spell weevil? When?

4 Is truth always good? Justify your answer.

5 How often do you do laundry? Do you do separate loads for whites and darks?

6 If Stevie Wonder took LSD, what would he see?

7 Ok, so there were these dogs, right? And they were walking through this field and they ran into this dish washer, so they hung up their shirts. there Was? WOW I like Dogs!

8. When you see limousines do you ever think: "Man, that wheel is sooo cool." ? Yes No Monkey!

9. If Godzilla and Mecha-godzilla ruled America, would they use a two party or multi-party democracy? What effect would this have on legislation regarding cheese?

10. What are the moral implications that MS-Word wants to replace Godzilla with goodwill?

11. There was this guy in France that ran an inn in the 1700's. He was worried because his children all had extra nipples. Was his concern justified? Yes No Nipples?

12. Are alligators wrong if they don't move? Yes No

13. How many staples have you used in the last three days? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 5 not including the ones in my head

14. If Jesus was a sasuage would he be a bratwurst, a knackwurst or a schnitzel? Why?
Bratwurst Knackwurst Schnitzel

15. Would it really be so wrong to get shamu addicted to crack if it would make him do his tricks better? yes No Sicko

16. Do you think there is truly a need for a cream to relive anal itching? yes No Oh yeah? Yeah Not really Why?

17. Would it be okay to eat veal if every day the veal farmer licked all the calves on the nose and it made them so happy that they felt their lives were completely justified? Assume that they died painlessly.

18. Should there be more music inspired by haircuts? Yes No Oh Plz God NO

19. How would you feel if we genetically engineered pumpkins and they tried to rule the earth and then at the last minute they were defeated by Albanian asparagus?

20. Is it just me or did you notice some sort of sexual tension between Chewbacca and Han Solo? yes No Blasphemer

21. What is a better monkey name, Flint or Ollie Long-face? Flint Ollie Long-face

22. Is God above morality or is morality above God? Please justify your answer in one sentence.

23. If sunflowers had legs, would they wear pants? Yes No I Like Pants

24. Is there any doubt in your mind that David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ? Please use specific episodes of Knight Rider or Baywatch to justify your answer. You may not cite any of his albulms.

25. Please give a recipe for cooking ramen, goat's milk, and young tree shrews.

26 Who was better Darin on Bewitched, the first one or the second one? First Second HUH?

27 Please write a haiku about former surgeon general C. Everet Koop's beard.

28. You know that song they play at the beginning of Cops? "Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do?" Just what are the bad boys going to do?

29. Speaking of cops, was it just me or were Ponch's teeth way too shiny on CHiPs? Yes Maybe No

30. James Bond or Jim Bondage? James Bond Jim Bondage

31. Why doesn't a finger fing?

32. Use the verb to Hasselhoff in a sentence. (For example, "Michael Knight, with his chest boldly exposed, Hasselhoffed out of KITT while it was moving in order to repair the carborator.")

33. Do you ever get the feeling that everyone you know is part of a hat club? Yes No

34. Did you know there is an entire floor of the Pentagon inhabited only by owls? Yes No Liar

35. Given the choice between eternal world peace and disemboweling Hootie and the Blowfish, is there any doubt in your mind that Hootie's colon would be spread between New York and Pasedena? Yes No Hootie Rocks

36. To the nearest decade, when was the last time John Madden actually did a situp? 1940 1950 1960 1970 1980 1990

37. Propose a new standard of mass for the metric system based upon your favorite substance.

38. Mmm, I like stew. Yes Stew I prefer Soup Thank you

39. Please describe a rubber animal that you have owned and how you used it to benefit society.

40. Finish this song:
Mon-chi-chi Mon-chi-chi
Oh so soft and cuddley...

41. Does the secret of controlled fusion lie within Beavis? Yes No Where?

42. Purpose a solution to the gang problems of America using only macaroni and cheese.

43. If you had the world's best dog, what trick would he be able to do? What would his name be?

44. Do you giggle every time you hear the phrase "Long's Peak"? Yes No

45. What word do you use to lull yourself and others into a state of Zen? (Examples: box, futon, LeeAat, SPOON!, fjord)

46. Is there anything you wouldn't eat if the pope drooled on it? Yes No Damn Catholics

47. Draw a picture of John Elway making his testes the highest point of his body to defy the sun god, Ra. (draw it on paint and mail it to me)

48. Please translate this:
ASCII:
0100 0010 0111 0101 0110 1101 0111 0000 0111 1001 0010 0000 0110 0011 0110 0001 0111 0100 0111 0011 0011 1111

49. If all things tasted the same, what would you lick exclusively for its texture?

50. Aside from Roxette, what has Sweden ever done to justify its existence?